Ever since I was young whenever the slightest inconvenience would come my way, the first thing I would do is go into panic mode of worrying. It never helped my situation and still doesn't, but it always felt like the safe thing to do. I was comfortable in worrying.
The presence of God working in my life has always been present, but not until college did I actually sit back and realize how miraculous the work being done was. Sometimes our minds can get overwhelmed by all that isn't working out in our lives. It may be we're not progressing and achieving things that we thought we would. Or, maybe there's financial burdens that just never seem to end.
But, we fail to focus on what God provides for us every day. Or, instead of thanking God for even the smallest of blessings, we find ourselves immediately asking for more and "better". Even though I came to the realization that God was watching over me and had my back in every situation, I would still always find myself in the cycle of worrying and then relief.
The relief part of the cycle is always the same for me. God makes a way for my problem to be solved and then I think, "Wow, what was I stressing about?" And after, I fall right back into the step of worrying when another problem pops up. Sometimes I would even think "Is God playing tricks on me? He just solved this and now there's another issue? Can I breathe and have peace for once?"
Now looking back at what I used to say makes me think, what did I need a breath for if God was and IS the one doing all the work? No one told me to waste my energy on worrying and doubting. That was all my decision. While I would worry, God was probably watching me and was disappointed. Disappointed that all He has to offer me doesn't seem enough in my mind because of a little detour in His journey for me.
So, I ask the question: Can you worry AND love God?
I ask the question because I've realized, how can you claim to love someone when your complete trust isn't in them? I always make the analogy of my relationship with God to a friendship.
Say you have a friend who always helps you and comes to your rescue in your time of need, but you would constantly question them of whether or not they will keep helping you. Wouldn't that friend not want to help you as much? No one really wants to help someone that believes they're "hopeless" because what would be the point?
If I truly loved God like I said I did, wouldn't I be more than willing to put all my faith in Him? Or, has the relationship turned one sided?
The question also made me think deeper into my life. That maybe I find myself in this same cycle because each time I find an obstacle in my way that seems impossible to get over, I question God if He is able to handle it.
You know that one friend that pesters you over and over about the same thing? Even though you already said you'll do what they asked and now you've become irritated? That's how God probably feels when we question Him.
How can I, the same person who He just helped, then open my mouth and think He's not able to get me out of another situation? Is He not the ruler of ALL things? To question God's ability is to question His authority.
But, what I love so much about God is that even when I doubt His possibilities, He continues to love me anyway. He loves me by constantly making a way for His plan in my life even when I mistake His essential steps in my plan as merely "obstacles".
The more my eyes open up to the way that He is working in my life is strengthening my faith and helping me to see that He truly moves mountains. Someone out there may not think that God is working in their life, but if your faith is in Him then He is working overtime behind the scenes. You can't see what He's doing right now, but the most crucial part of having faith in God is believing in what you can't see.
Loving God is about blindly falling full force into His grace and mercy. You have to be ready and willing to take the risks of what you can't see in order to receive His Blessings. He wants to work in you, but your own part in the job is to let Him in.